Dealing with excess baggage

Last night, I decided to let someone special in my life go. Reason for the break-up: he still isn’t over his dead former girlfriend. They were together for ten years.  Former girlfriend died in August 2011 in a car accident.

I met this guy in my senior year of high school. We were close then. Maybe there was something more special than friendship but I didn’t think much about it then. I moved to another city and never heard of him. After ten years, we got reunited and shortly after, got into a long-distance whatever-you-call-it relationship.

At the start, he was honest about his past. He confided his sentiments. Of course, I understand where he’s coming from. Of course, I can empathize. What type of person would not be able to relate to his situation? Anyone who has loved and lost knows this type of grief.

But let us let the dead rest. They won’t come back warm and alive if we, the living, mope and put our lives on hold. There is nothing wrong with missing them and thinking about them. But it just feels so wrong to celebrate, reminisce and value the dead more than the living. It’s just like wishing you died with them than continue living. It’s just sad, despairing, and miserable to live that way.

Other than his baggage, the guy is great. He says he always wants to make me laugh and make me happy. He used to sing me songs over the phone until we’d both fall asleep. He is successful at some point in making me happier.

I also want to do that for him, make him happier. But I also know that happiness is something you decide on for yourself. His complete happiness is his own choice to make. It’s his first step to make. I can’t do those two things for him: choose to be happy and act on being happy. I just hope he learns that for himself.

“if you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” ~ Paulo Coelho

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